24/06/2018

Five Minutes on Breaking Down

***Trigger Warning: Mental Health***

When I was 29 I had a breakdown.

 It started as butterflies in my stomach. 
A constant feeling of “something is wrong” without knowing what. 
Then I started to forget words, simple words like potato and microwave (vital words in my jacket potato life). 
I would go to work and “wake up” staring at my hands, not sure how long I’d been sitting that way and scared that people were noticing that I was quite clearly a massive weirdo.


 I’d get home and go to bed. No matter what time. I’d switch between staring at the wall, not feeling anything and sobbing into my pillow.
I’ve had a skill from a young age of being able to force myself to feel happy - Just by smiling at myself in a mirror, my brain could switch from sad to happy. 
But now I wasn’t feeling anything. Nothing at all. 

I spoke to my wonderful manager at work, she asked if I might be depressed. 
I knew I couldn’t possibly be. 
What did *I* have to be depressed about? 

The tears started to follow me to work. 
I stopped answering my phone. 
I completely blocked out my family and friends. 
My thoughts got darker, less rational and more intrusive. 

SO I went to the doctor.  
The doctor made me fill out a questionnaire, she told me: 
I’d feel better after Christmas; Christmas makes a lot of people feel sad.  
She threw the questionnaire in the bin.  
I told her, “I won’t be here at Christmas”. 

I didn’t want to die. I just didn’t want to live. 


The doctor prescribed me some pills (It’s all a matter of choice but I these little babies got me to the point where I could accept help)

I was very fortunate that through the support of my wonderful family, I was able to get the help of an incredible therapist who let me talk. 
Who let me NOT talk. 
Who helped me to stop mind reading. 
Who taught me to stop getting into the boxing ring with my own brain. 

The intrusive thoughts continued but they didn’t own me any more. 
Words started to come back. I started to talk to people.
I was feeling again. 


Four and a bit years on: I imagine pre-breakdown me as a care bear; 
all fluff and sparkles and heart. 
Breakdown me was a potato (I remember that word now). 
Post-breakdown me is a cat. 
I’m still soft and loving but there are less sparkles, more solitude (Good solitude) and I know how to recognise when things are going a bit Pete Tong. 
I have intense moments of appreciation for the people around me, delight in their acheivements. 
I know how to drop the things that hurt me but that I can’t control. 
I can be pragmatic but now, more often, I can be positive. 

I can’t tell anyone how to feel. Especially if, like I was, you’re not feeling anything at all. 
But I can tell you that this is not permanent. 
No matter how long it’s been, how often it is. 
All I can say is...

Every single day I wake up with a genuine gratitude that I’m still here. 
Em x 
This post was originally published on Instagram                   All images by the incredible Olivia Lenn 
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13/06/2018

Best Dressed Guest with Navabi

You all know I love Navabi, so when they got in touch and asked if I'd like to join in bringing the gang back together, I didn't have to think twice!!
Manon Baptiste Paisley Dress - Navabi 
The theme was "The Wedding Edit", SO with Chloe, Becky and the Navabi team, I spend a day flouncing around in the most beautiful occasion dresses (and jumpsuits!) on the market whilst the incredible Jade of JKG photography did her thang.

I see dressing for a special occasion as the opportunity to wear something completely different from my usual style which makes shopping for the perfect pieces a lot more exciting. It’s so important to wear something which actually fits and doesn’t require any tugging or pinning - I want to be able to enjoy the day without worrying that I’m going to be flashing the photographer... Mostly...
Lost Ink Tulle Dress - Navabi 
I tried on so many things that I would never think of trying - Me? In three different shades of pink? Get outta here. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever worn baby pink before but I can honestly say that I adore this tulle dress from Lost Ink. It’s utterly perfect for a christening or Summer wedding; The length is spot on for my height and I can imagine pairing it with my fave leather jacket and smoky eyes for a rocking evening do. 

       

I had a bloody brilliant day with Navabi, as always. This is a brand that just GETS IT you know? They stay true to their customer base whilst always looking at ways to bring quality fashion to us chub chicks. For beautiful, unique buy-to-last pieces I cannot fault them.  

All Outfits - Navabi
If you head to the Navabi site now, you can see some more of the looks from the day (and maybe some behind the scenes coming up soon...!) 
Em x


All photography by JKG Photography for Navabi
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01/06/2018

Here Comes The Sun with Evans

Hurray it's finally hot! I've obviously horrendously burnt myself in the garden and had to go to bed at 8pm due to a rogue WKD Blue (When will I learn...?)

www.theemedit.co.uk
Floral Dress* - Evans
Today was so hot that as soon as I left the house I was wet. Not sweaty (Or anything else body fluid-wise) wet with something meterological. Something air related. And I really wished I wasn't wearing jeans... I love the fit and flare cut of this Evans dress and how airy it subsequently is. Okay, I know I've been down on cold-shoulders in the past but I WAS wrong - Paired with heeled sandals it's an easy to wear option for a hot evening in the city or a casual day event. 

www.theemedit.co.uk
Silver Sandals - Evans
I'm wearing a 16 in the dress and 9 in the sandals here. Both are slightly on the larger side so size down if you're on the cusp.

www.theemedit.co.uk

I think we've all felt insecure about some point of our body at a time in our lives and Summer totally accentuates that. Just a reminder that when the weather is hot, it's so much safer and comfortable to dress appropriately - Your body is exactly the same whether its encased in a jumper or a vest, except one is hot and sweaty and bothersome and stops you from enjoying the glorious weather and the other lets you just LIVE without fear of keeling over from sunstroke. Give it a go, see what you think. 

www.theemedit.co.uk

Keep your eyes on my Instagram for some tips for avoiding the chub rub which inevitably accompanies lovely Summer frocks. Long gone are the days of flammable thighs!
Em x
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29/05/2018

Denim Delight - Arched Eyebrow x Navabi

Bethany Rutter is fabulous, there's no two ways about it. She's bright, fun, influential and WHOA can she design a capsule wardrobe!
www.theemedit.co.uk
Denim Effect Jumpsuit - Arched Eyebrow x Navabi
Animal Print Sandals - ASOS (Similar)
Earrings - Zara (Similar) 
Bethany's first Arched Eyebrow x Navabi collection knocked everyone's socks off; Beautiful bright wardrobe classics which have seen so many of us through the year and this range is just as strong. Bethany has always been at the forefront of the call for wearable basics for plus size babes and that's what this range is. Cute colourful tees, go-with-everything culottes and this fabulously wearable denim jumpsuit - On a page, the collection is simple, SO cohesive,  and frankly beautiful. 

www.theemedit.co.uk

When I look at any range, I like to assume that at least one piece was made with me in mind and this one is mine. Comfortable and easy to wear - Denim effect is perfect for Summer, you get the look without the bulk (and sweat!). The length is spot on, the neckline is easy yet chic. I would be just as happy wearing this jumpsuit with my converse and a leather belt as I am in heels and statement earrings. And you all know how much I love versatile. 

www.theemedit.co.uk

I'm perpetually between sizes and would have been equally as happy in a 16 as I am in this 18, the fabric is loose and stretchy but has a really great weight to it, meaning that it hangs from the shoulders to the waist then from the waist straight down - No clinging or camel toe! Bethany has ensured that the fit of this range is much more consistent than the previous, meaning that every piece is true to size (How much easier is life when that happens!?)

www.theemedit.co.uk

Huge congratulations to Bethany and Navabi for yet another crowd pleasing collection - Please keep them coming! 

My readers can get 10% off the whole Arched Eyebrow x Navabi range until Tuesday 5th June with the code TUMBLESBR10 
Em x
* Item gifted - All views are my own 
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24/05/2018

Brighter Days with Coast Curve

It's occasion time innit? Weddings, christenings, birthdays, divorces. All of these things call for a killer outfit because...well...why not?

www.theemedit.co.uk

Occasionwear over a size 16 use to be...shit. We all know the feeling, you've got the money but there's nowhere to spend it - Bland colours, floaty trousers, a scarf. It was so frustrating, especially when there were so many straight size brands on the scene flaunting full skirts, Bardot necklines, wiggle dresses, colours, patterns; FUN. 

www.theemedit.co.uk
Belle Maxi Dress* - Coast Curve
Wrap Sandals - Simply Be (Similar)
Earrings - Zara (Similar) 
Coast were always the brand that I looked at longingly so when they first collaborated with Simply Be on an occasionwear range I was all over it. Now they've taken it one step further and launched their own Curve Range online, a glorious mix of best dressed guest, wardrobe classics and Summer essentials and I LOVE it. Just look at the Belle dress I was so kindly sent. Stunning.

www.theemedit.co.uk

Coast Curve starts at a size 20, which I'm wearing here. As much as an 18 would have been more my size, the scuba material and bias cut of the skirt means that the dress hangs beautifully. I love the movement, the comfort and the simplicity of this dress and I sincerely hope they make it in more colourways (navy or green for me please!) But until then, this vibrant red makes me feel fun, bright and ready to party.

www.theemedit.co.uk

So let's throw on those bright colours and dance like we're never going to stop. Lets get sweaty, take up space and enjoy every minute of it BECAUSE WE DESERVE TO. You get one life don't let anyone else dictate what you do with it.
Em x
*Denotes gifted item.

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23/05/2018

All That Glitters - I'm Back!

Gosh it's been SO long - I've missed this. I've missed thinking, I've missed writing, I've missed YOU! So I'm back and I'm making a vow to never, ever leave it this long again.

www.theemedit.co.uk
Sequin Kimono - Simply Be
Sequin Shorts - Simply Be
Longline Bra - Gossard (from Simply Be)
Charlie Faux Fur Sandals - Tskenya 
So where have I been? What have I been doing?  Well, as you know, I moved house last year and have been spending stupid time and money on getting things just as I want them (I am NOWHERE NEAR MATE) You can see a few of the bits I've been doing on InstagramI've been to Berlin (cold), Rome (wet) and pretty much every reach of the UK.  I've worked with some incredible brands (including NavabiBoobydooCurvy Kate, Second ScriptEvans) on some amazing campaigns. I've been working. HARD. 

www.theemedit.co.uk

Most importantly, in March my beautiful, incredible, magical niece was born. Friends, I have never known a love like it. People had warned me that I'd be besotted but this is a whole new level. I can't walk past her without wanting to pick her up, kiss her or sniff her (How weird are humans with this baby sniffing thing please?!?!) I am utterly OBSESSED. I don't even care that everyone loves her more than me (even my husband, who finds babies about as interesting as trigonometry, is falling for her) because, actually, I love her more than anything that has ever lived. If I had to choose between never sniffing her her or never eating a Big Mac again I would say "Bye Bye Big Mac now let me sniff that baby's head." 

www.theemedit.co.uk
  
But throughout it all, I've missed this. I love writing, I love sharing my thoughts, I love just having the headspace to sit down and indulge in my own type of creativity. So strap back in, settle down and get ready for my comeback. 

Em x
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06/02/2018

I Am My Own Best Gift with Playful Promises

It's that time of year when the shops are full of pink and red things, heterosexual men are wondering whether they should start thinking about booking that reasonably priced Italian restaurant and I’m readying myself for sausage, chips and beans at Morrisons (Not a metaphor…) It's also the time of year when our favourite lingerie brands bring out the hottest of their looks - HURRAY!

www.theemedit.co.uk
Irena Harness Bra* - Playful Promises
Irena Briefs* - Playful Promises
Playful Promises are up there with their stylish, well-made, supportive and oh-so-sexy lingerie. With its rust-coloured detail, eyelash lace and harness straps, the Irena set was pretty much made for me. Longline bras and high waisted briefs are always my styles of choice and all of these elements come together in making me feel AMAZING.

www.theemedit.co.uk

I’m wearing a 36F here with 18 briefs. The bra is perfectly true to size, as are the briefs. I do think I could have sized down but with mesh I don’t like to risk it JUST IN CASE (I’m a pro at putting my big silly thumbs through things…). You know how I feel about comfort above all else and this set is an absolute joy to wear - If I was someone who dated, I have no doubt in my mind that this would be a date set (e.g. It's sexy but I wouldn't have to go to the toilet to arrange it before taking my clothes off) (Is this a thing that happens?!? I miss being young...) 

www.theemedit.co.uk

I’ve been thinking recently about how much more comfortable I am with reviewing lingerie nowadays and I think this comes down to two reasons:
1. There’s a lot more lingerie out there that I like, that fits and that makes me feel good.
2. Looking at myself in less clothes has genuinely changed how I feel about how my appearance, I’ve gone from checking myself in the mirror all the time, doubting myself and feeling just generally yuk, to liking what I see in these pictures -This frees up more time for doing useful things like working on my horrific personality…

www.theemedit.co.uk

If you WERE thinking of treating yourself to a little summin summin for Valentines Day, Playful Promises have a VERY comprehensive list for all of your sexy/sultry/sweet/hibernation Valentines needs (I'm very into these pjs...)
Em x 
* Denotes items gifted for review. All opinions are my own
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05/02/2018

Fabulous Feet with Tskenya

Stylish, affordable shoes and boots in sizes 8-13 (UK)? YES PLEASE. 
www.terribletumbles.co.uk
Striped Dress - Zara 
These are the Charlie sandals by fabulous new brand Tskenya - Strappy, fluffy, high-heeled AND A SIZE 10! Yes, a REAL size 10. Not an 8, not a small size 9, and actual size 10. With these sandals, my fashion life has been absolutely made.

www.terribletumbles.co.uk

I can honestly say that I've never worn shoes this high in my entire life (3.5 inches), mainly because I've never had the opportunity but THEY ARE SO COMFORTABLE. The ankle straps fit me on the tightest fitting (My ankles are oddly slender, hence them bending/snapping on the regular) with plenty more room for those of you who have been engineered for less feeble movement… I just love the faux fur on these sandals, I’ve seen such frivolity on many a smaller-footed friend and now I can play too. 

www.terribletumbles.co.uk

SO you’ll definitely have grasped that I really like these shoes but this isn’t where it ends with Tskenya. Along with being affordable (With prices from a mere £27.50 ranging to a still completely acceptable £65) and stylish (Velvet boots, ankle ties, faux fur - YUP!)- have a watch of this quick video where founder and designer of TSKENYA; Tskenya-Sarah Frazer describes her mission to make this a range which is intersectional, gender neutral (All marketing is gender free and I, for one, LOVE IT) and truly inclusive of all narratives. I don’t know anyone who couldn’t get behind this vision and checking out the brand across social media really proves just how much Tskenya-Sarah is practising what she preaches. 


Tskenya also follow a number of internal policies which ensure that they operate in an ethical and transparent manner. I am SO impressed by how up front the brand are about what they stand for - This level of environmental and social consciousness is not what I've come to associate with affordability so, frankly, I intend to support this new and exciting brand to the ends of the earth. 

www.terribletumbles.co.uk

Expect to see a lot more of these shoes as they're officially the sexiest footwear I own and as long as I don’t break my neck navigating stairs in them (I have some high heel skillz catching up to do) they’ll be a very important part of my wardrobe from hereon in. 
Em x
* Denotes item gifted for review - All opinions are my own. 
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18/01/2018

Faux Fur Fabulous With River Island


Friends, I Have The Lurg. 

Why am I telling you this you may wonder? 
1. Maybe you care, I like it when people care. Thank you for caring. 
2. If you follow me on social media then you'll have not seen much of me. Maybe this has been a good thing. Who knows. Anyway, live tweeting taking antibiotics or instagram grids full of duvets aren't much fun.
3. I'm very whiny. Deal with it.

Tasseled earrings* - River Island
Faux Fur Coat* - River Island
Vintage Look Jeans 
H&M
Luckily for all concerned, there was a time in the past when I wasn't ill. I'd go as far as to say I was positively well. During this time I was hashtag blessed to receive this incredible Faux Fur coat* from my lovely friends at River Island. Fluffy, warm and my favourite dove grey colour, it's hardly been off my back (When I leave the house that is...) River Island are one of my absolute favourites when it comes to all things glam - Bright colours, modern cuts and just the right level of embellishment; When I'm planning a night out, they're my go-to.


The absolute best thing about faux fur is that it lends itself equally as well to casual as it does to glam. Wear with a good pair of jeans, tee and trainers to the pub or with a LBD and some bojanglies like these tasseled babies for a special occasion. Reckon you can get faux fur pyjamas...?


I know I can't possibly be ill forever and with this in mind, I'll have more to tell you soon - In fact, I've been listening to your feedback and have been in touch with some of the brands you want to know more about and sourcing some of the items you so dearly want in your wardrobe, so watch this space!
Em x

* Denotes items gifted for review - All opinions are quite obviously my own...

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08/01/2018

Catch My Baby Blues With Scantilly


When someone makes a lingerie set the exact same colour as your eyes, you just have to buy it don't you...?


www.terribletumbles.co.uk
Captivate Bra - Scantilly
Captivate High Waist Brief - Scantilly 
I've been eyeing this Captivate up since its launch, where it was modelled by the incredible Olivia Campbell, who did it the exact justice it deserves. Since then, I've seen it on Georgina Horne, Galdalou and Sophie Lewis. All incredibly beautiful women who pushed me further and further in love with it until Christmas when I finally bit the bullet and got it ordered. 

www.terribletumbles.co.uk

This set is a whole new level of luxe, with eyelash lace edging, black wraparound detailing and beautifully soft sheer briefs, it's the kind of lingerie I've only ever previously seen in the likes of La Perla - Certainly never in a fuller bust. 

www.terribletumbles.co.uk

There is honestly nothing I don't love about Captivate, the design, the fit and the comfort are all just spot on. If you're looking to spend a little bit more (although still only £74 for the set) for something that looks and feels like it cost A LOT more, this is the one for you. It's the kind of set that makes you feel a million times more gorgeous just knowing you're wearing it.

www.terribletumbles.co.uk
Note - I never edit pictures other than to add a filter. This said, I've totally edited my awful awful AWFUL 1990s lower back tattoo out of this image because, frankly even I lose respect for 16 year-old me just looking at it...
I'm wearing the size I would usually go for in a less stretchy bra (36F) and the fit is spot on. I have the XL in the briefs which are actually very room and I would say could fit up to a 20/22 comfortably. 
Em x
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04/01/2018

Five Minutes on Loving Yourself


Remember when you were younger and people said "OH they LOVE themselves SOOOO much" like it was a bad thing? WELL, I'm here to tell you now that actually it's a really really good thing.

www.terribletumbles.co.uk
Knitted Bardot Jumper* - Tokyo Laundry
I've spent too much time over the years wishing that I looked a different way, that I was cleverer, more interesting, younger, older. I know for a fact that I don't take enough time out to look at who I am and what I've done right now in this exact moment. 

www.terribletumbles.co.uk

It's not always easy. So here I am, posting gratuitous pictures of myself. Completely unedited (Other than a filter and the removal of an ugly light switch), taken in my lunch hour with a camera on a timer, but made up in my favourite style, well lit and completely and utterly feeling myself. 

www.terribletumbles.co.uk

Give yourself five minutes tomorrow to love yourself (In whatever way you like. Even that way <Nod to my friends at Lovehoney here>. All self-love is good love isn't it really...?) 

www.terribletumbles.co.uk

I'll be back with more outfit posts soon - Just as soon as I stop having spotty tonsils...
Em x
* Denotes gifted item 
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01/01/2018

Five Minutes on Who I Am And What I Want


Happy 2018 Party People!

You all know me fairly well by now and, as such, will know that in 2018 I will be paying no heed to New Years resolutions. I will, however, share with you some of the things I've learnt over the last 12 months and some of the things I'm going to keep on learning for likely forever because I'm a REALLY slow learner (Please see also; "Learning to drive" - Moving into year 17 of that and "Shaving my legs without bleeding to death" - Year 20) 

www.terribletumbles.co.uk
Taylor Dress - Joanie Clothing 
Firstly, a subject I always come back to and which I am now well and truly laying to rest: 
Babies and the such.

I want to start by saying: My Vagina Is Nobody's Business (Except my gynaecologist's and on rare occasions like birthdays and olympic opening ceremonies, my husband's) This said, I now feel absolutely no shame or even fear in saying "I Do Not Want Children". It gets you the same looks you get when you say you're bisexual or that, actually, you've always thought that dolphins are total pricks. You know, that frozen smile and a look that says "I have absolutely no way of processing this information, I just know that I've now categorised you with James Blunt as a person who I don't hate as much as Hitler but still wouldn't want around my kids" and THAT IS OK WITH ME. In fact, it's incredibly liberating. You make your genital choices and I will make mine. 

www.terribletumbles.co.uk

I am a remarkably uncompetitive person. To the extent that, if a zombie was chasing me, I'd roll over and let it eat me in order to allow someone else to not be chewed on (I think about this a lot. I have my zombie plan DOWN). It's not altruism, I just like to see people who care about instant gratification do well. Also, being an actual zombie looks to be infinitely preferable/simpler than being the person running away from a zombie doesn't it...? 

I know who I am, I know my strengths and my strengths do not lie in fierce debates, cut throat negotiations or saving face. My strengths lie in influencing, informing and enabling the people around me to be just generally fucking awesome. I recognise all of this and am mostly comfortable with it. However, I now work in what can, at times, be an incredibly fierce business environment and the time is right to fly my own flag, even if it IS a flag covered in fluffy bunnies and Care Bears... 

There's a quote I fucking love; "Don't ever lose your softness to their arrogance, let your soul give them hell". There is a place for us all, soft or hard, leader or influencer but personal development can be good and this is something I'm doing right now. 
So don't piss me off (or do, I'll probably still give you a hug and ask if you're ok...) 

www.terribletumbles.co.uk
Bikini - Simply Be 

This next bit is copied from an instagram post I put up last week but I'm not going to paraphrase because I was clearly having a good word day when I wrote it:

I started 2017 fat and I’m going to be ending it fat. In the time in-between, I was fat. To all of you reading this, I’m sure you’ll notice that I HAVE NO BEEF WITH THIS. The only time I make excuses is when I walk into something/someone, knock something over or stand on one of my cats but that’s not me apologising for my fat body, that’s me apologising for being a clumsy knob. My fat has nothing to do with my “health” (And I implore you to not be dim or ableist enough to assume it does). There are women who are much fatter AND thinner than me also just living their lives as the smoking hot magical people that they are, enjoying themselves and being total fucking diamonds.

I'm going to go into 2018 fat, fat and happy because my body really isn’t all that I am. I’m hard working, loving and patient amongst other things and I’m not going to let the world tell me that all I am is a disappointing fat body (I’m not, ask my Mum) (Maybe don’t ask my Mum right now, I stole one of her airbeds which is probably pretty disappointing to her).To be honest, I'm bored of harping on about being fat now so please just assume that I am fat and will continue to be so and there will never ever be any form of diet shit on this blog or my social media. 

I also recommend that, Instead of using this week to berate yourself for having a lovely indulgent Christmas and new year, or making stupid goals which you will also berate yourself over or convincing yourself that things will be better if you can just do X,Y or Z; Just go out and do those things because they’re just as enjoyable regardless. Remember that the body image industry exists to make money from people - They’re not here to help us or quinoa and kale would be free and it’s really really not, so don’t believe the hype.

www.terribletumbles.co.uk
Reed Blouse - Second Script Curve
Jeans - Second Script Curve
One last thing from me, you know that saying; "Fortune favours the bold". Well please believe me when I say that never have four words been truer. This was my third year of saying yes, of doing things that scare me, of taking every opportunity that comes my way, and I'm incredibly glad that I have. Don't sit there and wait for things to come your way, go out and get it: Ask out that cute babe, apply for that job, start that blog, make that new friend, learn that Beyonce dance routine. 

I've got this, and so have you.

Em x
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