24/06/2018

Five Minutes on Breaking Down

***Trigger Warning: Mental Health***

When I was 29 I had a breakdown.

 It started as butterflies in my stomach. 
A constant feeling of “something is wrong” without knowing what. 
Then I started to forget words, simple words like potato and microwave (vital words in my jacket potato life). 
I would go to work and “wake up” staring at my hands, not sure how long I’d been sitting that way and scared that people were noticing that I was quite clearly a massive weirdo.


 I’d get home and go to bed. No matter what time. I’d switch between staring at the wall, not feeling anything and sobbing into my pillow.
I’ve had a skill from a young age of being able to force myself to feel happy - Just by smiling at myself in a mirror, my brain could switch from sad to happy. 
But now I wasn’t feeling anything. Nothing at all. 

I spoke to my wonderful manager at work, she asked if I might be depressed. 
I knew I couldn’t possibly be. 
What did *I* have to be depressed about? 

The tears started to follow me to work. 
I stopped answering my phone. 
I completely blocked out my family and friends. 
My thoughts got darker, less rational and more intrusive. 

SO I went to the doctor.  
The doctor made me fill out a questionnaire, she told me: 
I’d feel better after Christmas; Christmas makes a lot of people feel sad.  
She threw the questionnaire in the bin.  
I told her, “I won’t be here at Christmas”. 

I didn’t want to die. I just didn’t want to live. 


The doctor prescribed me some pills (It’s all a matter of choice but I these little babies got me to the point where I could accept help)

I was very fortunate that through the support of my wonderful family, I was able to get the help of an incredible therapist who let me talk. 
Who let me NOT talk. 
Who helped me to stop mind reading. 
Who taught me to stop getting into the boxing ring with my own brain. 

The intrusive thoughts continued but they didn’t own me any more. 
Words started to come back. I started to talk to people.
I was feeling again. 


Four and a bit years on: I imagine pre-breakdown me as a care bear; 
all fluff and sparkles and heart. 
Breakdown me was a potato (I remember that word now). 
Post-breakdown me is a cat. 
I’m still soft and loving but there are less sparkles, more solitude (Good solitude) and I know how to recognise when things are going a bit Pete Tong. 
I have intense moments of appreciation for the people around me, delight in their acheivements. 
I know how to drop the things that hurt me but that I can’t control. 
I can be pragmatic but now, more often, I can be positive. 

I can’t tell anyone how to feel. Especially if, like I was, you’re not feeling anything at all. 
But I can tell you that this is not permanent. 
No matter how long it’s been, how often it is. 
All I can say is...

Every single day I wake up with a genuine gratitude that I’m still here. 
Em x 
This post was originally published on Instagram                   All images by the incredible Olivia Lenn 
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13/06/2018

Best Dressed Guest with Navabi

You all know I love Navabi, so when they got in touch and asked if I'd like to join in bringing the gang back together, I didn't have to think twice!!
Manon Baptiste Paisley Dress - Navabi 
The theme was "The Wedding Edit", SO with Chloe, Becky and the Navabi team, I spend a day flouncing around in the most beautiful occasion dresses (and jumpsuits!) on the market whilst the incredible Jade of JKG photography did her thang.

I see dressing for a special occasion as the opportunity to wear something completely different from my usual style which makes shopping for the perfect pieces a lot more exciting. It’s so important to wear something which actually fits and doesn’t require any tugging or pinning - I want to be able to enjoy the day without worrying that I’m going to be flashing the photographer... Mostly...
Lost Ink Tulle Dress - Navabi 
I tried on so many things that I would never think of trying - Me? In three different shades of pink? Get outta here. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever worn baby pink before but I can honestly say that I adore this tulle dress from Lost Ink. It’s utterly perfect for a christening or Summer wedding; The length is spot on for my height and I can imagine pairing it with my fave leather jacket and smoky eyes for a rocking evening do. 

       

I had a bloody brilliant day with Navabi, as always. This is a brand that just GETS IT you know? They stay true to their customer base whilst always looking at ways to bring quality fashion to us chub chicks. For beautiful, unique buy-to-last pieces I cannot fault them.  

All Outfits - Navabi
If you head to the Navabi site now, you can see some more of the looks from the day (and maybe some behind the scenes coming up soon...!) 
Em x


All photography by JKG Photography for Navabi
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01/06/2018

Here Comes The Sun with Evans

Hurray it's finally hot! I've obviously horrendously burnt myself in the garden and had to go to bed at 8pm due to a rogue WKD Blue (When will I learn...?)

www.theemedit.co.uk
Floral Dress* - Evans
Today was so hot that as soon as I left the house I was wet. Not sweaty (Or anything else body fluid-wise) wet with something meterological. Something air related. And I really wished I wasn't wearing jeans... I love the fit and flare cut of this Evans dress and how airy it subsequently is. Okay, I know I've been down on cold-shoulders in the past but I WAS wrong - Paired with heeled sandals it's an easy to wear option for a hot evening in the city or a casual day event. 

www.theemedit.co.uk
Silver Sandals - Evans
I'm wearing a 16 in the dress and 9 in the sandals here. Both are slightly on the larger side so size down if you're on the cusp.

www.theemedit.co.uk

I think we've all felt insecure about some point of our body at a time in our lives and Summer totally accentuates that. Just a reminder that when the weather is hot, it's so much safer and comfortable to dress appropriately - Your body is exactly the same whether its encased in a jumper or a vest, except one is hot and sweaty and bothersome and stops you from enjoying the glorious weather and the other lets you just LIVE without fear of keeling over from sunstroke. Give it a go, see what you think. 

www.theemedit.co.uk

Keep your eyes on my Instagram for some tips for avoiding the chub rub which inevitably accompanies lovely Summer frocks. Long gone are the days of flammable thighs!
Em x
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29/05/2018

Denim Delight - Arched Eyebrow x Navabi

Bethany Rutter is fabulous, there's no two ways about it. She's bright, fun, influential and WHOA can she design a capsule wardrobe!
www.theemedit.co.uk
Denim Effect Jumpsuit - Arched Eyebrow x Navabi
Animal Print Sandals - ASOS (Similar)
Earrings - Zara (Similar) 
Bethany's first Arched Eyebrow x Navabi collection knocked everyone's socks off; Beautiful bright wardrobe classics which have seen so many of us through the year and this range is just as strong. Bethany has always been at the forefront of the call for wearable basics for plus size babes and that's what this range is. Cute colourful tees, go-with-everything culottes and this fabulously wearable denim jumpsuit - On a page, the collection is simple, SO cohesive,  and frankly beautiful. 

www.theemedit.co.uk

When I look at any range, I like to assume that at least one piece was made with me in mind and this one is mine. Comfortable and easy to wear - Denim effect is perfect for Summer, you get the look without the bulk (and sweat!). The length is spot on, the neckline is easy yet chic. I would be just as happy wearing this jumpsuit with my converse and a leather belt as I am in heels and statement earrings. And you all know how much I love versatile. 

www.theemedit.co.uk

I'm perpetually between sizes and would have been equally as happy in a 16 as I am in this 18, the fabric is loose and stretchy but has a really great weight to it, meaning that it hangs from the shoulders to the waist then from the waist straight down - No clinging or camel toe! Bethany has ensured that the fit of this range is much more consistent than the previous, meaning that every piece is true to size (How much easier is life when that happens!?)

www.theemedit.co.uk

Huge congratulations to Bethany and Navabi for yet another crowd pleasing collection - Please keep them coming! 

My readers can get 10% off the whole Arched Eyebrow x Navabi range until Tuesday 5th June with the code TUMBLESBR10 
Em x
* Item gifted - All views are my own 
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24/05/2018

Brighter Days with Coast Curve

It's occasion time innit? Weddings, christenings, birthdays, divorces. All of these things call for a killer outfit because...well...why not?

www.theemedit.co.uk

Occasionwear over a size 16 use to be...shit. We all know the feeling, you've got the money but there's nowhere to spend it - Bland colours, floaty trousers, a scarf. It was so frustrating, especially when there were so many straight size brands on the scene flaunting full skirts, Bardot necklines, wiggle dresses, colours, patterns; FUN. 

www.theemedit.co.uk
Belle Maxi Dress* - Coast Curve
Wrap Sandals - Simply Be (Similar)
Earrings - Zara (Similar) 
Coast were always the brand that I looked at longingly so when they first collaborated with Simply Be on an occasionwear range I was all over it. Now they've taken it one step further and launched their own Curve Range online, a glorious mix of best dressed guest, wardrobe classics and Summer essentials and I LOVE it. Just look at the Belle dress I was so kindly sent. Stunning.

www.theemedit.co.uk

Coast Curve starts at a size 20, which I'm wearing here. As much as an 18 would have been more my size, the scuba material and bias cut of the skirt means that the dress hangs beautifully. I love the movement, the comfort and the simplicity of this dress and I sincerely hope they make it in more colourways (navy or green for me please!) But until then, this vibrant red makes me feel fun, bright and ready to party.

www.theemedit.co.uk

So let's throw on those bright colours and dance like we're never going to stop. Lets get sweaty, take up space and enjoy every minute of it BECAUSE WE DESERVE TO. You get one life don't let anyone else dictate what you do with it.
Em x
*Denotes gifted item.

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