Wednesday, 25 June 2014

Scarlet armour - Emi jewellery

Look at me and LOOK AT MY NECKLACE. Pretty huh? Allow me artistic licence with these pictures, I'm really struggling to keep my clothes on at the moment after a week in my bikini....
You may have noticed from previous outfit posts that I am CRAP at accesorising, I tend to put a piece of jewellery on then take it straight off because I feel too "cluttered". If I do wear anything, I'm more of an earring fan, but this chunky silver and amber necklace has certainly swayed my thinking.

I was sent this little beauty by Emi♥ and I'm being entirely genuine when I say I've been wearing the shit out if it. It makes me think of holidays, free love (oh yeah) and bare feet. All that from a necklace. 
So far, I've worn it with my white linen vest and a maxi, jeans and a grey marl tshirt and in the case of these pictures, my pants and a vest. It goes with EVERYTHING.
Emi♥ is a concept fashion brand specialising in women's jewellery. Their jewellry is extremely understated, timeless and date I say "boho" (Sienna Miller put me RIGHT off this word but I willing to embrace it once more for the sake of fashion) it's not on the website any more but I'm VERY much into the collar necklaces and these Rocky horror lip earrings that are up at the moment. The prices are well and truly bargainous and the range seems to be changing all the time. 
I have another necklace from Emi♥ to show off, but I think I'll do it with a full outfit and not just a vest and my pants. Maybe...

Em x


Friday, 20 June 2014

Holiday, it would be so NICE

This is a picture post. It features many pictures of me wearing a variety of clothes that have featured on my epic holiday to Marbella (because I'm a gangsta don't you know. Living the G life and that, sipping on gin and juice etc etc etc). At the end of the many pictures, I will summarise some things that I have learnt this holiday. There will also be some shizzle about self esteem and maybe crisps, which have featured heavily on this holiday, to my obvious delight.
I bought this dress thinking that it was a top. Quite possibly in "the real world" it will be. It's from H&M, was cheap as chips, is very floaty and has an under slip which I know a lot of people like. My only issue with it is that the slip is cut on the bias (as they are prone to be) so it wiggles around a bit and then I have to hoik. I hate hoiking.

I wore this outfit to go out for a meal, the shoes are my M&S wedges and I fell off my leg on this particular occasion. 
This New Look dress is WELL out of my comfort zone in that it's short and sleeveless. Despite this, the pattern and crochet(ed?) hem sold it to me and it's been an absolute hit on the days/evenings that we've stayed local.
This is the same H&M dress in two colourways. I bought the palm tree print first and thought how nice it would be in black. Lo and behold, they had it in black - HURRAH. It has a racer back, is light, airy and features the holy grail of long limbed women **Pockets** (stops you having to work out what to do with your hands). I wore the black one for a night out and meal and the palm tree one was perfect for a day walking around old town, I just swapped the shoes for flipflops. 

The shoes in the first pic are the M&S wedges again and the necklace is a little beauty from New look. The sandals in the second pic are New Look and I take no pleasure in saying that they're a bit of a disaster - Size 9 wide allegedly, but they're not, they're REALLY not. They're too narrow for my not actually that wide feet and the ankle strap feels like cheese wire. Mean, bitey, painful cheese wire. More fool me for not trying them on prior to the holiday I suppose.
I want to snog this outfit, River Island trousers, Asda cami and the killer shoes again. This was another walking around outfit and I can't tell you how refreshing it is to find a pair of trousers that are light and comfortable enough to wear in extreme (for me) heat.
This New Look jumpsuit is an absolute diamond. I've worn this twice on nights out and have felt so glam without being overdressed. M&S shoes again here.
This maxi dress is entirely bloody brilliant. I originally bought it as a going out dress but due to the ease of wear (and the neckline being somewhat NSFW) it has become the thing I sling on over my bikini for when I want to go to the bar and get a glass of water/wine/rum/sangria/pizza/solero/crisps. It's from Oh My love of London, which was/is a Topshop concession and is the longest thing I own. It trails on the floor and I LOVE it. I could do with another one really (in black if you please?) I've not seen one to date but the hunt is ongoing.
This is one of my two bikinis. Despite this year's Salt'n'Pepa "none of your bizzness" stance on my body and how it looks in swimwear (which I will go into further shortly) I still feel a bit awkwaaaard posting this picture BUT the bikini is the best I've ever had, from George at Asda. It has a halter neck neckline which can be undone and then tied round the back if you don't want the worlds craziest tan lines. I sized up with this, I can't be doing with mega tight BUT this does mean that diving/handstands/lilo competitions can get a bit x-rated...
Every good holiday should involve some good pyjamas. These particular pyjamas are from Primark, they feature Winnie the Pooh which isn't my usual thang but it's a non Disney Winnie the Pooh and they're made of what I can only assume is angels wings because they are indescribably light and comfortable. 

So this is what I've worn, now a bit about how this holiday has been a revelation for me:

I go on holiday quite a lot, usually on city breaks (my favourite place on earth is Seville). This means that I need to dress for the heat but don't really need to flash too much flesh. My standard holiday "uniform" consists of midi skirts, leggings, short dresses with sleeves and coverups a-plenty. 

For the past couple of years I've also gone away on bikini-requiring holidays with people other than my husband, meaning that conversations leading up to the holiday have consisted of:
"Oooooh I'd better shift this extra tyre by then!", 
"I hope there aren't to many slim babes around the pool", 
"Do they even MAKE bikinis in size Smyth?!?" 

I body shamed myself into a hysterical mess which would see me apologetically creeping around the pool swathed in sarongs, long shorts and revolting oversized tshirts. This was further enhanced by comments that I won't go into and generally being made to feel like a over sexualised leper akin to the sexy time statue below.
This year, things got off to much better start in that I am a much more "together" person - I like myself an awful lot more. I've also gone away with people who couldn't give a shit how I look, I could have boobs sprouting from my cheeks and a bottom that looks like 15 snakes in a book bag and they really well and truly wouldn't give it a second thought. This has meant that I've not given it a second thought.

Something else that's made a difference is the gorgeous place I'm staying. The men who work here are phenomenal, there's been no letching, no comments, no casual misogyny at all. The lovely lifeguard is actually there to guard life, not shout TITS at the top of his voice every ten minutes, the fabulous waiter hasn't tried one single big pepper grinder innuendo. They've been friendly, kind and total and utter dudes throughout.

I've frolicked around the pool in a variety of bikinis, I've gone out without a bra on (HORRIFYING), I've even forgotten about (so called) waterproof mascara (albeit after a panda eyes incident on day one). PEOPLE - HOLIDAYS CAN BE BLOODY BRILLIANT.
I'll leave you with some holiday rules I have set myself (not you, you can do whatever the flipping heck you like because you are your own boss YOU GET ME!!!?!!!) 
1) Sun tan lotion ALWAYS. My skin is one of my favourite things about myself and I ain't messing that up for nothing. This year, I did something I've never done before and had a spray tan before I came away. I'm so so so glad I did because the little boost has made me even less inclined to frazzle.
2) Hydrate. I'm usually basically a raisin because I always forget to drink water on holiday. This year I've been a big juicy plump grape and as such have had minimal hangovers and headache.
3) If you want to sleep - sleep. It's a holiday for Pete's sake.
4) Bug spray is the best - I've had one bite this year thanks to my deet but thankfully no allergic reactions like last year when my foot became a giant lump of shiny flesh.
5) Kindles are good - I love books with a passion and have avoided getting a kindle because I was under the impression it wouldn't be the same. Then I packed my case and there was NO ROOM FOR BOOKS. So I've kindled it up and am a total convert.
So that's my holiday in a spray tanned nutshell. If you're going away this year, I hope you have a glorious time and enjoy every marvelous minute of it!
Em x

Sunday, 8 June 2014

Twerking toucans: AKA, What happens when I listen to Nicki Minaj whilsttaking outfit pictures

This started off so well; I had the house to myself, good light and an outfit that I love. Then I put Nicki Minaj on and IT ALL WENT VERY SILLY.

This is the Navy toucan jumpsuit by H! for Debenhams. It's a winning jumpsuit. Not in that it makes me jump or anything (it does but no higher than usual, which isn't very high but is very loud) but in the way it makes me feel. As you will see from the following pictures. Sigh.
I despair with myself, I really do. If someone had just given me the job I'd always wanted in my youth (Blue Peter presenter, obvs) I truly believe I would have got all of this galavanting out of my system and could just behave myself rather than wiggling around in front of a camera. By myself. Except for the cats.

Anyway, back to the jumpsuit. I normally avoid jumpsuits for two reasons:
1) Leg length
2) Camel toe (sorry....)
The leg length on these is actually perfect for me at 6ft, stopping just on the ankle. However, it isn't quite as narrow as I'd like so I've actually rolled them up a bit to give them more of a Capri or 5/6s length. With regards to my second, more uncouth issue, there are no desert animals here, not-a-one. 
The elasticated waistband, and tie back detail mean that it is loose fitting but still gives a really good silhouette, I'm not sure how they've done it! 
Finally, WHAT ABOUT THIS PRINT?!? I love a good snazzy print and nothing says Summer like a series of funky toucans. 

The jumpsuit goes up to an 18, I'm wearing the 16 which is extremely loose (due to it being for my hols!) so it may be worth a go if you're up to a size 22. There's also 20% off at the moment so it's a bit of a bargain at £32,
The influence of the toucans made me decide to have purple eyes today. This is a Collection2000 cheap bizzness and Chanel lipstick. 

I reckon I'm going to give more jumpsuits a go this year. As long as they don't cause any groin issues. I'm off to rub some deep heat on my twerking muscles now, laterz...

Em x


Thursday, 5 June 2014

The most beautiful words I know

From The Gargoyle by Andrew Davidson

Wednesday, 4 June 2014

Tiger Tiger burning bright...

I went to Manchester on Saturday to meet up with some other bloggers. Pretty tame day, not much to tell....


It was an absolutely fabulous day, with shopping, lunch and general debauchery... But that's not why I'm here, I'm here to tell you about the MAGNIGICENT time that was had by all during the Tiger Tiger cocktail masterclass.

Nine luscious ladies started out on this voyage of en-cocktail-ment, but will all survive...?
Tiger Tiger in Manchester is big, and by big I mean freaking massive. Every floor has multiple "segments(?)" and every "segment(?)" is different (guess who doesn't go out any more...). 

We were shown to a beautiful 1920s style private bar with mirrors, drapery and bottles of liquor aplenty.
Our Master Mixologist for the day was James (NOT Jamie) aka The Milkybar Kid. James' task was to show nine very eager bloggers how to construct a number of cocktails whilst protecting the liquor from said bloggers. Remarkably, he  fared extremely well. 
We were introduced to what we'd be doing over the next couple of hours, I have to level with you here; I wasn't listening, I was still a tad hungover from the night before and was wondering how I could:
a) Avoid drinking any gin (makes me throw my shoes) 
b) Mainline some rum straight into my bloodstream...
The session proceeded as follows for me:
Drink shots,
Watch how to make a cocktail,
Watch fellow blogger make cocktail, 
Try not to fall off stool,
Drink shots,
Drink cocktail,
How to make another cocktail,
Make cocktail (badly),
Drink shots,
Drink cocktail,
How to make a cocktail that is basically drunkness in a glass,
Put on blindfold,
Fumble about,
Probably break many things,
Drink cocktail,
Play game which involves eight bloggers basically screaming and running about like toddlers,
Drink. Cocktail. 
It was entirely brilliant, nobody died and we all bonded like only people who have gone through an experience like this can.
We had such a fab time, a fair few of us didn't leave until gone Nine. Which is notable due to most of our trains/buses leaving at around six...
All in all a thoroughly fabulous time was had and I can't recommend this package enough. Thank you Tiger Tiger for sending me home full of cocktails and joy!

Em x

Why not take a look at the blogs from the ladies I was honored enough to share this day with:



Sunday, 1 June 2014

Ho Ho Ho Green Giant

Ladies and gents, this is the ASOS checked midi dress. I heart it. 

The dress has a belt, pockets (YESSSS) and a zip up the back. I love the shape of the skirt, it flares beautifully and is extremely elegant (even on me). I bought the 14 for some unbeknown reason and it is a wee bit tight (hence the lack of bosom) but I'm sticking with it and am just going to wear it on occasions where there will be no crisps or fizzy pop. The dress is also available in the curve range (for £10 less!) which is freaking awesome.

I'm just passionately in love with the colour, it's so Summery and bright without being gaudy. 
I've paired it with my lovely Marks and Spencer's Sandals. They're an 8 wide and are just about a perfect fit - HURRAH ITS A MIRACLE. They're also really light and the first ever pair of wedges I have been able to walk in. (So far at least....)
The lipstick is Chanel and as always, the tiny sleepy eyes of a shrew are aaaall mine....
I'm going to be blogging some other outfits I've bought for the Summer this week, I've had some rather successful shopping moments, I assume because I'm poor. Ain't that just the way....

Em x

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