Wherein I attempt to have some pin up class - Featuring Fullilove Designs

I've been after a wiggle dress for a while but have never found one that goes in and out in the right places for my lovely lady lumps. I've trawled eBay and Etsy many a time but have worried about spending ££££s on something I've not even tried on. AND THEN I FOUND THIS:
Just look at the shape - isn't it bloody glorious?!? My super smashing great husband had offered to buy me a dress for being extremely good at drumming up business for him and I am always happy to receive commission in the form of frocks (Unless I actually need actual money in order to pay for food/wine/cat food/a roof over my head). So he ordered me it and on Friday IT ARRIVED. AND I PUT IT ON. AND I AM NEVER TAKING IT OFF.
Dress: Fullilovesdesigns available from Etsy
Shoes: Melissa and Vivienne Westwood
The dress is handmade by the lovely Scarlet at FullilovesDesigns, Scarlet was incredibly kind and informative from the moment I ordered the dress  and kept me up to date until the day of delivery - I got a bit gushy after I'd first put it on and pretty much emailed her a love letter explaining how she's now changed my life forever and she's not had a restraining order against me so this demonstrates JUST how great she is.
The dress is a gorgeous light cotton with a zip up the back and a tie halterneck. The shape and seams mean that it is extremely supportive (Physically, not emotionally) (Although I haven't tested this yet so it may well also be emotionally supportive, I'll get back to you on this) I still wore it with my magic cycling shorts to assist with the hourglass thang and my strapless Wonderbra, which I would recommend to all who they cater to. The ties on the halterneck are ever so long so it can be tied in a big flirty bow (Is flirty the right word?!?) I love love love the pinup look and cant wait to try dressing it down with loose hair and my red shoes.
Shoes: Melissa and Vivienne Westwood
Hair Flower: Imogens Imagination available at Birds Yard
For the photos, I paired the dress with my wedding shoes, the ever glorious Vivienne Westwood and Melissa jelly shoes that smell of sweeties and make my feet cry in pain, and a newly acquired flower grip from Imogens Imagination (My birdcage wedding veil was actually made by Imogen and I have a few other fascinators from her stand at Birds Yard in Sheffield - If you've not been: GO)
OBVIOUSLY, this dress needed red lips so I used my new and first ever lip liner that I now need because I am aging and my lips are sliding off my face...But actually it's not been that traumatic using it and I like that I can make my lips MASSIVE if I want (and probably will after wine...) I kept my eyes bare other than eyeliner and mascara, partly because I was exhausted after the lip liner and partly because I knew I'd have to take it off and that's TOUGH DUDE.
Lipliner: Lasting Finish by Rimmel in Red Dynamite
Lipgloss: Apocalips by Rimmel in Stellar
Mascara: Benefit They're Real!
I have had years of struggling for a "Go to" dress for those times when you're feeling crappy and HERE IT IS - HUUURRRRAAAAYYYYYY.
I'd be intrigued to know what other people go to when they need a bit of magic- Feel free to let me know!


This has been August. Brought to you by....

Ok, I know it's still August, but I wanted to do a small "Round-up" post and it seems a bit weird doing a weekly round-up on a Monday...even if it is bank holiday...I suppose by this logic, I could make this a round-up of 2013. Or even a round-up of the 2000s...but I've made it weird enough so let's stick with the August thing....SO, this summary will be of things that I've not already mentioned in my blog, but if any of you follow me on Twitter (Or I suppose know me in "real life") you might already know the deal:

The Rabbit
I'm not actually a fan of rabbits in real life, I mean, they're very "cute" and all that, and they have well cool ears that just don't seem real but make them really easy to draw (I don't HATE them or anything, I actually find Watership Down extremely distressing and am getting a bit emo just thinking about it...) Despite this, I've wanted a rabbit tattoo for a long time.
It stems back to the very first full conversation I had with my Husband, the conversation where we realised that, actually, we might have something in common after all. I won't get into it but despite the rumours, it has nothing to do with "being at it like rabbits" or rabbits that require batteries of any nature. So last week I went and had it done, and I like it.
Victoria's Secret  
If you follow me on Twitter, you cant have missed me going on and on and on about my life changing trip to Victoria's Secret. A couple of months ago, I noticed that a store was opening in Meadowhall and my exact thoughts were as follows: "Oh, brilliant, another shop full of ridiculously attractive young girls with bouncy hair and bouncy other things, making me feel all crap about how I can't go shopping without sweating and being generally an even more gruesome version of myself" So I'd written off that entire area of Meadowhall (In case they have the girls that come out of the shop and make you feel crap in what should be the safe area near the escalators and the people that sell soap) It meant that I'd have to walk even further and use the stairs in Marks and Spencer's but NEEDS MUST AND ALL THAT. 
But then a weird thing happened: I accidentally went down the escalator (I was tired and a bit weak from trying to decide whether to have an omelette or not) and I kind of just ended up in the doorway...It smelt nice, and I mean reeeeeal nice. And people were smiling, with REAL smiles. Not Costa coffee smiles. ACTUAL SMILES, where their eyes are smiling too. So I walked in a bit further...
And then I panicked.
There are a lot of bras in Victoria's Secret, I reckon at least 259 bras. And they're all in different colours. Some have got lace on them, or flowers, or sparkly bits....and then there's pants as well, different shapes and textures and they're just EVERYWHERE. And I hadn't had the omelette so I simply was not ready for all of this. Thank goodness, at that point a lovely lady turned up, she must have seen me clinging to the thong display with my sweaty little sausage fingers and taken pity. I managed to get across to her that I wanted a bra and that I was someone who is never knowingly not talking more than is required.
We walked around and talked about the styles and the fabrics and probably some other stuff that I'll have brought up (I'm generally quite starved of attention, so as soon as I get an audience I'm off) I decided that I'd have a fitting, I'm confident that I know my size but know that different ranges can have a different fit. I was originally measured at my sister size of 36D, but after discussion and trying on different shapes and cuts, we agreed that I was much better in a 34DD (I flail around a lot and like to know that I ain't gonna flop out anywhere)
I went for the Body by Victoria Perfect Shape Bra in black - It is truly lovely to wear in that its soft beyond all belief (I cannot stop inadvertently fondling myself), has full coverage, a natural shape with just the right amount of boost and very pretty lace detailing. I'd love to have the confidence to blog it in situ but I'm not quite there yet so have put the image from the website above (For anyone who cares enough, photoshop my face on, she's got pretty much exactly the same body as me...ahem...) It was such a fabulous shopping experience, I can see why people are so loyal to the brand. Plus, at £40 and for the quality and comfort, I feel like I got an extremely good deal.
 Body by Victoria Perfect Shape Bra; Victoria's Secret
Strange outfits 
This has been an odd couple of weeks for getting dressed. I've not been at optimum health and have been getting VERY sweaty. Very sweaty indeed. Plus, my wonderful and ever unpredictable stomach has been a tad aggressive in the amount that it has been deciding to protrude. This means that it's all been a bit "If it fits and doesn't absorb liquid, wear it"
I've read time and time again, bloggers saying that blogging makes you think a lot more about what you're wearing, and it really does. I probably wear the same things, but I'm more likely to put on a slightly more interesting pair of shoes, or a bigger piece of jewellery, or a "snazzy" hat (Ok, this last bits not true but just you wait for Autumn...)
Please see some of my more unplanned "looks" below:
Wastrel Necklace: Blackheart Creatives
Dress/Tunic: H&M
Leggings: H&M
Jacket: H&M
Shoes: Primark
Bag: John Lewis
Changing Room: M&S
(Why did I even try to get a bra here...?)
Oversized top: Primark

Top: Second Hand, Cow Sheffield
Raincoat: Primark

Shirt: H&M
Skirt: H&M
Boots: New Look
Bag: John Lewis

 As you can see, nothing quite seems to go and to be honest, if I've been able to wear my Primark duck parka zipped up over something, I have. (Not helping with the sweat) I'm looking forward to getting back into tights and jumpers, this Summer has nearly finished me off. MUST TRY HARDER. Any motivation and inspiration for September would be greatly appreciated, what do YOU do when creativity has left you...?


On being a Wastrel - Featuring Blackheart Creatives

I love the word Wastrel, I always have. It's like a "cute" way of saying "I am entirely useless at being a grown up but it's sort of not really my fault"
(I must make it clear at this point that I am not most definitely not a waif or in the slightest bit a neglected child, although: Mum, my shoes have holes in and I know I'm nearly 30 but I totally shouldn't have to deal with this crap...)
I ALSO love Blackheart Creatives. Seriously, LOVE them. They make laser cut acrylic jewellery that is distinctly UN-cute; Gorgeous pro-Fatshion pieces, Fabulously disgustingly sweary jewellery sets and most excitingly, custom pieces. Plus the mega hot lady behind all of this is basically a much cooler and talented version of me in a parallel world, so it made sense all round for me to GO GET ME A NECKLACE!
CHECK THIS OUT - How cool is this?!?! Never has one piece of jewellery made me feel so crazy sexy cool (Thank you for this description remaining members of TLC) It turned me straight into a not quite as good Chrissie Hynde.
I opted for sparkly black, simply because I know I'll wear it with a lot more, it sits on a long silver chain that is just spot on because you can either wear it lower down over or adjust it to be tighter around the neck (I went lower for these pictures in order to flash my ample bosom)
It arrived TWO DAYS AFTER ORDERING (because Charlotte is freaking amazing and like a tornado of productivity) in a lovely hand printed box and with sweeties, which you will notice don't feature in any pictures because I ate them before I'd even checked they were actually food...
Money incredibly VERY well spent in my opinion.
I first ordered from Blackheart Creatives for my darling friend The Wilson's hen party. She got a bright, bright, brightest pink Mrs K and I DID tell her that when she's married she has to wear it EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE BECAUSE SHE IS OWNED but she just laughed and walked away...ha...little does she know...
The Wilson readying herself for a life of being Mrs
Here's a bonus picture of Gary. She's all about the bling - Hey there Gary, looking hot gurrrl.


OOTD - Librarian "Chic"

I know some people say vintage, and in most cases the clothes ARE vintage but because I don't know what classes as vintage, I prefer to say second hand (Or in the case of a lot of things my Husband buys: Dead man's clothes - Seriously, he always manages to get the grimmest items, my particular favourite being the anorak with fried egg stains on the front and a tweed jacket that turns him into Steptoe)
I buy a lot of second hand dresses, Sheffield has always been fabulous for "Vintage" shops but they seem now to be catering more to the Yoof market, all cut off denim shorts and 80s flashdance shizzle. Don't get me wrong, there's totally a place for all of this but I'm more of an old fashioned cow so I'm relying more on eBay for what I'm after.
My Mum's wardrobe in the 70s and 80s was incredible, and I find myself increasingly drawn to things that are pretty much identical to things I've seen in her photos. Unfortunately, they never made it to me because a) Unlike me, she doesn't hoard and b) She was a size 10... But that doesn't stop me coveting the following:
A thick green rollneck batwing woollen jumper
Maroon Pixie Boots
Knee length button up denim skirt
All of the skirt suits she owned
I bought this dress last year from Freshmans in Sheffield and haven't yet managed to debut it. The idea is that I'll autumn it up with thick tights and knee boots (Which I need desperately - Last year was NOT a good year for tan leather knee boots) But I quite like how it looks with the red platforms and bare legs.
I'm a big fan of a pussy bow (always feel a bit rude saying that) and you cant beat a crazy ass psychedelic print. The only thing with this dress is that it is a tad synthetic, meaning SWEAT. Yuk. Serious sauna frock.
Dress: Secondhand, Freshmans
Shoes:  New Look

Excuse my hair in these pictures, it's in dire need of a wash but I simply don't have the energy or inclination (Even Batiste can't help me here...)
Bag: Birthday gift from a gorgeous friend
I'd definitely team this outfit with my big strong snazzy satchel that was a gift a couple of years ago from the same friends I went away with last week (They have taste!) I can fit EVERYTHING in this bag, plus it smells of goat and I love me a good goat.
Do you like a bit of Vintage/Second hand? Any recommendations of places to check out?



OOTD - Bling bling all in yo face

I've had a lovely weekend, I went on an adventure to North Yorkshire and ate and drank pretty much all of the things there. All of them. Seriously, I overindulged and THEN SOME. We went with some of our friends that we're pretty much guaranteed an awesome time with, long gone is the raving and the late night kebabs but we have managed to replace them with some other terrible habits (I vomited on their baby through a lampshade funnel but that's a story for another time...)
On the Saturday night, we went to The Black Sheep brewery for some MEAT and some WINE and it was entirely delicious.  On planning what to wear, I decided that I'd dress up a bit, because I can and also because I am crap at smart casual. I simply cannot do the dressy jeans thing, I look like a denim sausage and my feet always look massively unstable (quite accurately in all honesty).
I knew that it would be hot at the brewery because it always is and also because I'd be full of the aforementioned MEAT and WINE. I had a book when I was younger called "Father Christmas' vacation" and it was basically about what Father Christmas does when he's not being awesome and bringing us all presents. At one point, he goes to Paris and visits the Moulin Rouge, whilst there he eats too many prawns and drinks too much brandy and THIS IS ME whenever we go to North Yorkshire. I get sweaty and bloated and a bit panicky. The point of me telling you all of this is that my clothing choice had to reflect this similarity with old Crimbo chops. I didn't want to wear anything too thick and squeezy, or it might have stopped me doing three courses, and nobody wants that. Nobody.
Dress: H&M
Tights: Primark
Shoes: Faith
SO I wore my beautiful maroon H&M dress with the snazzy collar. I HEART this dress massively, I bought it in Seville but I know that it was on sale over here too. Its a 60s mod style with stitching under the bust and an A Line skirt. The sleeves are gloriously roomy and a spot on length for my gun show.
The collar on this dress really is mega, it is beaded but not too heavily, meaning that yes, it is dressy, but in a sort of rocking way, rather than a pashmina and pearls way.
I would have usually worn the dress with a pair of my Primark "support" tights (They support my gut, not my varicose veins, of which I do not yet own any) but, once again, the extent of my overindulgence would have meant these would have cut off circulation and I'd have almost certainly ripped them off in a blind panic round the back of a bus stop. So I wore some normal un-supportive tights.

I then wore my black ankle boots. These are not in the photos BECAUSE a funny thing has happened: It turns out that my knees are wrong. Well I assume its my knees. And if they're not wrong yet, they very soon will be. I put my boots on just before leaving the house and I felt a tad lopsided, so I looked at the heels of my boots and they were entirely CRACKERS. they're at a 45 degree angle where the inside of the heel is about an inch and a half higher than the outside of the heel, on both shoes - WHAT CAN THIS MEAN?!?! SO I am taking them to be re-shod, and I am also going to try and learn to walk in a non-crazy style.
The shoes in these pictures are some snakeskin stylees from Faith, they are not outside in public shoes as they aren't deep enough to stay on my feet unless I slide. And this doesn't fit in with the new learning to walk properly thing I've got going on.
Eyes by Chanel
Lips by Natural collection
Bags by staying out past bedtime...
I look shattered in these pictures because I stayed up late looking at the moon, it kept blowing my mind (possibly because I don't smoke but I'd "had a go on" a massive cigar and it made me feel immediately a hundred times more inebriated than I already was,) It was so bright last night, and the clouds kept making it do all these incredible light shows. To anybody passing Masham church whilst a girl in a spangly collar poking out the top of an anorak with ducks on it was dancing around in purple wellies and going bananas over the waxing moon, that was me, HIYA. 
You'll notice the pictures are slightly better. I'm getting there guys - Just need to keep getting dressed and occasionally wash my hair and we're cooking on gas!


The Liebster Award - Read then write then read some more!

I was delighted this afternoon when I found out that lovely blogger Kate from 

had nominated me for a Liebster Award. This is a mega way for me to get to know other bloggers, divulge some shizzle about myself and be a big massive nosy parker.  I thoroughly recommend that you mosey on over to Kate's blog, it's a beautiful mix of clothes, makeup and glorious, glorious Vienna (jealous don't cover it Kate!)

Thems the Rules:
1. Show your appreciation by linking back to the person who nominated you,
2. List 11 facts about yourself (optional),
3. Answer the 11 questions given to you by the person who nominated you,
4. Nominate another 11 blogs, preferably with under 200 followers, to pass the award on to
5. Compile 11 questions for your nominees to answer.
6. Notify the bloggers whom you have nominated.

1. What made you start blogging?
I’ve always loved writing, I find myself getting stupidly carried away with it in all elements of my life: Sending texts, writing far too much in birthday cards (even when I barely know the person, I can’t just put Happy Birthday, it seems like a terrible waste of space) Despite this, I’ve never just sat and written. I started a book about a baked bean, it’s actually very funny (BRrrRaaa-BrrRRrRrraa, that’s my own trumpet being blown) but then I got bored because of my tiiiiiiny little attention span (I’m like a cocker spaniel). Then about a year ago, I was looking for outfit inspiration, being a tall person with fat parts, it’s really difficult visualising the clothes from most shops on my own body. This is when I found the world of plus size blogging and fatshion, more specifically, The ramblings of Mrs BeBe and A rose LikeThis. I found myself thinking THEYRE JUST LIKE ME!  (The only difference being that these women are gorgeous, interesting and INTELLIGENT) The way they put their words and pictures together is extremely inspiring, and I’ve actually noticed my thinking change, very much for the better. So all this time down the line I thought, I might as well give it a bash, even if it’s just so my Mum knows that I’m not always in bed by 7pm….

2. What's your ideal holiday destination?
Seville, Seville, SEVILLE. Seville’s all right I suppose…..
I’m thoroughly a city girl, I can’t stand sand and am an “English Rose” (Read: Pasty as f*ck) so don’t leave me anywhere in the sunshine or I will expire swiftly (In Valencia, I dragged myself along the floor by my nails to be near water…) Seville is a gorgeous place. I LOVE it. I will say no more or I’ll not stop. Ever.

3. Who is your style inspiration?
Hnnnggghhhh this is a hard one…In an ideal world, I would be in the 60s, on a moped, going to the seaside for fish and chips. So I’m going to say Francoise Hardy – The legs, the clothes, THE HAIR.
For old school glamour – Elizabeth Taylor because PHWOAR
Current inspirations: Gizzi Erskine, she can do glam, casual and vintage without her beehive even flinching. Kate Jackson from the Long Blondes is incredible, she mixes it all up so well, pencil skirts with band t-shirts, neckscarves and berets with leopardprint. Love it.

4. Answer the door in a PJs with full face of make up, or dressed and no make up?
PJs with full makeup. Because my pjs have rabbits on and are adorable.

5. Favourite beauty product?
Does Dry shampoo count as a beauty product? You know what? I don’t care anyway. BATISTE DRY SHAMPOO IS THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME AND I’M NOT ASHAMED TO SAY THIS.

6. Where do you see yourself in 5 years time?
Oh gosh, I’ll be OLD. Hopefully in a bigger house (I dream of having more bedrooms than cats) and moderately less destitute. Beyond that; as long as my family and friends are healthy and happy, I’m sure wherever I am will be just grand.

7. TOWIE or MIC?
This is a good question. It used to be MIC because I’m right proper classy. Now its TOWIE because I fancy Mario Falcone an unfeasible amount. He’s a terrible, terrible man but something about the way he looks makes me all pathetic and a bit stupid around the edges.

8. What's your favourite item of clothing?
Another very hard one indeed. Probably my white sequined waterfall jacket from River Island that I got for £8 by accident. Saying that, I can’t currently force my bingo wings into it….SO I’ll say my lace-sleeved, collared, backless black playsuit from Topshop. Even if last time I wore it I flashed an entire KFC….

9. Are you a morning or night person?
I’m generally awake at 7 and in bed by 10. But I wouldn’t say I was either. I probably make moderately more sense in the morning….

10. Favourite all time book?
Incendiary by Chris Cleave, The Gargoyle by Andrew Davidson or anything at all by Jo Nesbo (He could snot on a tissue and I would read it)

11. What's your favourite nail polish colour?

I love pastel green ones at the mo, I have a fabulous textured one by Barry M. Otherwise I love Revlon for lasting power and Collection 2000 for price.

I dont have 11 facts about myself. If I did, that would be my blog for the rest of the year...

SO, I now have to nominate some bloggerers, MY NOMINEES ARE:

Of course there are no obligations but I like the cut(s) of your gib(s) and want to know more!

And here are your questions:
1. What is your favourite subject to blog about?
2. If you could do any job, what would it be?
3. What are your three desert island discs? (SORRY, I'd go loopy if someone asked me this...)
4. What is your favourite memory?
5. If you were a small animal, what would you be?
6. If you were a LARGE animal, what would you be?
7. Who is your role model?
8. What reaaaaally winds you up and why?
9. What is your tipple of choice?
10. What are you wearing right now (I'm not a pervet, Honest)
11. What is your biggest regret?

Ready, Steady.....GO!!! 

Thanks again Kate for this opportunity! 



OOTD - What I wore to go to Morrisons for some crisps

I told you that I never really do anything, however, going to Morrisons DOES necessitate clothes, so here we go (Other Northern supermarkets are available but they probably don't display their vegetables in kick ass dry ice) I had a pretty exhausting day today, I could feel my eyebrows getting lower and lower down my face, but we still needed to do shopping because we'd run out of Cornettos and Cornettos are important.
I have a love/hate relationship with jeans, I only ever wear them in summer which is entirely ridiculous but I don't tend to get my knees out and even I, the queen of tights, can't subject my parts to them in this kind of weather. These jeans are from Primark, they're the "Supersoft skinny" (awwwww) and I'm fairly sure they were £7. I am so glad I found them, They're lovely and soft and as long as you don't anger the zip, they seem to last for ages. I was already wearing my H&M black vest (which I found a small hole in today and then I kept sticking my finger in the hole and now it's a big hole) so I just kept it on because its really hot and I don't want to move around more than I have to.
Coverup: TKMaxx
Vest: H&M
Jeans: Primark
Now we come to the Piece of Resistance, "The Crazy fun flowery jacket thing with wings". I bought this two months ago from TK Maxx, it was in with the swimwear type things but I felt it may be more suitable (and less insane) over actual clothes. This too was £7, the label says Pia Rossini (me neither...) I love this jackety thing; I (like most) am not a lover of my arms, they're highly functional but they tend to move independently of all my other parts, so a light coverup like is a godsend.
Look how happy the crazy wings make me
I wore all of the above with my cutout Primark pumps, which I estimate have a month left before I replace them with some new leather loafers that I will then probably destroy in under a week.
Cutout pumps: Primark
Now people, we have a problem: My house is too small for me to take pictures of myself. I have a perfectly lovely camera but I just can't get it in the right place and none of my rooms are long enough to be far away enough from it to fit me all in. Hence the horrendous iPhone pictures. I will work something out but it certainly won't involve utilising my husband as a photographer because he is CRAP at making me look good so I have locked him in the cellar.
Anyway, I will leave you with a picture of me in my "Spaghetti bolognese" lipstick. It's a Dior Addict Extreme called "Riviera", I bought it because Kate Moss has it. Although she doesn't look like she's just eaten spaghetti bolognese. I was worried about adding a posey pouty picture but then I thought about the gorgeous Leah from Just me,Leah and how much I love her lovely lippie pictures so I went for it (thanks Leah!)

Dior Addict Extreme in Riviera
Fingers crossed I'll have come up with a photo solution soon, if not, I will draw what I'm wearing. I have loads of crayons, shouldn't be a problem....



Not Quite Outfit of the day....

I can see me struggling with this OOTD lark at the moment, in that my most worn clothing are my pyjamas....I mean, I suppose I could post this and I probably will at some point (There's rabbits on some of them, Parisian rabbits no less) but I know that they will be of no interest to anyone. Also, I need to get a full length mirror that is Emma full length, I simply do not fit in most mirrors and I don't know anyone willing to humour me as a photographer. BUT NEVER MIND, they're my problems, not yours. Yet.
SO I'm going to start off my cheating a little bit and showing you the outfit I wore a week ago to a rather nice wedding (My husband was a best man and looked right fit but I'll not get distracted....) I find weddings terribly difficult, I always start off with the intention of going for a vintage look, but by the time I've decided I look ridiculous in a fascinator and have stopped sweating all over my shapewear, I end up going for something more simple. I had originally bought a crossover blue dress from H&M that I thought looked adorable in the shop, but when got it on I realised there were boobs AND knees - THIS IS NOT A THING I DO. So I diverted to a dress I had bought last month, a dress that provokes many a positive statement from those I meet. The Zara Sarong Dress.
Oooooh, isn't it lovely? Doesn't she look SERENE?!
I saw the dress on the peg and I thought "Oh that's very beautiful, that would look so nice on a person that goes to things. Things like the horse racing and church. Probably not me though, I just go to McDonalds and pop to the Co-op for a few bits" But some voice in my head said "Em, go on, try it on, at the very least we'll get a laugh when you get your arms stuck in the zip hole. Again." So I did. The largest they had was a Large, so I had already written the whole silly thing off as a bad job. But then it fit! And it only flaming zipped up!!! (I haven't got into a Zara thing with a side zip since I lived off chocolate milkshake and misery) And I really, really, REALLY liked it. So I bought it.
I first wore it for a shindig at my Mum and Dad's. Underneath the beautiful dress, I wore my wonderful pants that go down to my knees. Which in one way was very clever of me, in another way it was a bit thick. You see, this dress has a split, so the pants maintained my modesty but also made me look like I was just about to go off on a little bike ride. I wore the dress with flat gold sandals but I was really looking forward to dressing it up, which is where the picture below comes in:

Dress: Zara
Shoes: H&M many years ago
Anyone who knows me in real life knows that I struggle with classy, I can look it, and then I talk, or fall over, or see something I want to eat that is too big for my surprisingly small mouth and try and smash it in there anyway. But I think this is the closest I've come in a long time to pulling it off. I put a small "modesty stitch" in the "flap" and was able to wear normal sized massive pants instead of massive massive pants. I think this dress is incredibly flattering, I often find the waistlines on this kind of thing is either too high or has a bloody great bow at the back, but this one is lovely. It is also, dare I say it, comfortable. And I live in pyjamas.
The shoes are a pair of old favourites from New Look, they're a size 9 which means my toes don't have to be coaxed in and I think the orangey/tan colour means they go with a fair few things. Plus the heel is high enough to make my feet look normal sized but not so tall that I have to remain in high ceilinged rooms.

Bracelet: H&M

Earrings: H&M
I stopped the look from being too pretty-pretty with a chunky silver chain bracelet from H&M that I'm extremely pleased with, and a cheap as chips pair of diamante earrings, also from H&M. I'm well into their jewellery range at the moment, I've always been a fan but the current look is a great combination between romantic and masculine.
I would have taken more pictures but people kept selfishly coming into the toilets and looking at me with their eyes. So this has been my first OOTD - Bit picture sparse but an outfit nonetheless!



I always find beauty in things that are odd and imperfect - they are much more interesting.

Well, I write a post on my love/hate relationship with aesthetics. And I delete it. Further proof that I should never ever pretend to be a blogger. I know, I know: "write it elsewhere then post it later" I KNOW. But I don't listen to anybody's advice ever because I'm a pig headed pig head.

ANYWAY, there were words and pictures and AGH THIS IS HORRIBLE but I'm going to write some stuff again. 

I like things that I think look nice, and due to the gap between my brain and my tongue being much shorter than your average person's, this has been known to get me into the odd mess. For example, did you know, it's wrong to comment on someone's complete lack of wrinkles when they've just been for Botox? Even if you had no idea they'd been and just assumed they'd finally just had a good nights sleep??? Well it apparently is. 

But I like to give praise where I feel it's due. This earnt me the nickname "Lurpack" by a previous colleague who didn't feel my "buttering up" was altogether genuine, but I tell you now, IT IS. I love looking at things, all different things. I love stationary, soft furnishings, new haircuts, ugly dogs, bare skin, big butts (and I cannot lie), wonky smiles, chipped nail varnish and many other things that the masses do not appreciate. 
A thing I find pleasing to the eye.
I don't know why this is, I just can't see the bad in things. I even adore those big white wind turbines at the side of the motorway (so sleek and SO pleasing to the eye). However, the one thing I'm not entirely in love at, is the aesthetics of me. 

Don't get me wrong, there's no self-loathing going on down here. When I look in the mirror, I like the girl I see. She's always let me go to bed when I want (as soon as my head drops below a 70° angle) and she's very good at carrying heavy things.

I was "blessed" with my Dad's strong jawline (dashing on him, not so much on me...) My mum's incredible skin and the quick growing moustache of somebody else entirely. I carry my weight equally but everywhere, I have wobbly arms, powerful thighs and a stomach with its own agenda altogether. 

This means that I am the queen of picture untagging, posting a picture of me at one of my most unflattering angles next to a friend who does not possess an unflattering angle simply isn't cricket in my eyes. Don't get me wrong, if there's a shiny surface, I will check my bad self in it, normally to make sure I haven't got cheese on my chin or that my fringe is behaving itself and not making a bid for freedom.
An unacceptable picture
But then, do you know what, my eyes are in MY face so I don't have to look at me. I can look at all your gorgeous faces. So actually it's all alright! I may even do some OOTD posts on here (I hope this means Outfit of the day and not something more sleazy/sinister/ tiring) Just don't expect anything incredible, my clothes have fallen out with me for stretching their seams every couple of months... 

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